Ineligible

Well, I spent today walking with no brace on my ankle for the first time since my "injury."  My pain is nonexistent and my doctor cleared me to return to exercise!  Who knew I'd ever be happy I get to exercise.  My ER doc said the pain in my ankle was caused by a sprain or tendinitis.  The orthopedic surgeon said it was arthritis.  The foot and ankle specialist said it was gout, secondary to a high protein diet.  Whatever, at least I'm not in pain anymore.

Last Wednesday, I went to the Clinic and weighed myself.  Turns out that I have lost so much weight with my Duodenal Switch that my BMI no longer qualifies me for weight loss surgery!  Plus, any of the commodities that may have qualified me for the surgery, like sleep apnea or diabetes, are no longer part of my life - cured, gone, finito.

I had a blast last weekend at the Cleveland Walk from Obesity.  The whole NEO DS team came out in force!  Plus, my mom was there and that meant alot to me.  She has been so supportive and loving as I go through this process.  And with sciatica and all, she walked the whole route with me.  BY THE WAY, the men and women at the Walk from Obesity need not to make a fat man walk 2 miles and call it 1.  They said that the route we walked was ONE, SINGLE, UNO, mile... well, Live Maps says it was 2 miles!  NOT FUNNY!  But the walk, with friends and family, and the trip to Cheesecake Factory afterwards was fun and Lord knows I need the extended stroll.

I hurted myself!

For no reason whatsoever I awoke early Saturday morning with a pain in my right ankle.  I don't remember hitting or twisting or doing much of anything detrimental to it.  The only thing I can think of is that the repeated "back-and-forth" action of the rower got to me.

So, wanting to rule out a clot, I went to the ER.  They gave me an air cast and crutches.  Then, I retreated to my mom's house in the country and stayed the rest of the weekend and into this week there, on my back, comfortably perched on her living room couch.

The doctors tell me I have a low grade sprain, or tendinitis, or arthritis.  Basically, they have no idea what's wrong with it, or when it will get better, or when it may return.  Thus, I wait.  Wait for the pain to go down and function to return.  Then, it's back to the rower and back on-track to my weight loss.

The Life I was Saved From

I stood looking for a merlot to season my potroast with.  Green beans, mushrooms, onions, and organic carrots filled my cart.

A man passed me on one of the store's motorized carts.  He was larger than I was at my largest.  His legs were swollen.  His limbs were scared from what I think was gout.  I wanted to run up to him and tell him about this amazing surgery I had.  But, I knew that the discovery and acceptance that one needs help only comes from within - at least, that's where my drive came/comes from.

I am by no means at my weight loss or fitness goals.  But, I am heading quickly in that direction.  I am so grateful to have been saved from that life.  Last summer my cousin told me to "get up and walk" while I still had the ability to.  Thank God I was saved, that I chose to save myself before those words were all together too true.

The Importance of People who Give a Damn

She came to see me all the way from Utah.  Perhaps she didn't know the words to say how proud she was of me, but I already knew.  This process is hard.  It's scary.  Having weight loss surgery marks the end of one chapter of your life and, as you transform, the page to the next chapter slowly turns.  Your body and mind change and as they change the world around you seems to morph as well.  I am not yet sure if people treat me differently or if it is me who sees them differently.  With all this change it is important to surround yourself with people who give a damn.

A tap-tap-tap-tap, then a knock-knock-knock, finished with a SLAM-SLAM on my bedroom door!  I was comfortated as she woke me in the morning.  She always does when she comes to see me and she's the only person (other than my mother) who gets away with it.  Her eyes see past to the me underneath, past the bits that cause shame and the painful parts.  Again, just as she always has.  I believe - and hope that I am right - that when a person goes through such a large transformation, like weight loss surgery, it is only their exterior that changes.  That, at the base of it all, the person underneath is unchanged.  She sees that person and there is solace in that.  She gives a damn.

I thank God for friends like her.  Friends that keep me gounded.  Friends that will call me on my shit.  Friends that will cry and celebrate with me.  Find friends like these and hold tight to them with all you have!

Time for an Update: Three months

The pain is gone (again)! Since surgery I've been having pain in the upper portion of my open incision. It was a burning pain and lingered so long it really started to piss me off. The pain would go away, then come back in two weeks and I'd have to start up pain meds again... funny fat man story in 3...2...1

My pain had mostly gone away.  So, it being summer, I decided to take a trip to my family's summer lake cottage.  I brought a friend and we went boating to the sand bar (a portion of the lake that is only 4-5 feet deep.  So, my friend jumps in and encourages me to do the same.  Now, if you're anything like me, you have no problem getting OUT of the boat, it's getting back IN that's near impossible.  But I had a duodenal switch.  I've lost a BUNCH of weight.  I'm like the obese superman, I can do anything!  So, my rolly-polly ass jumps in the lake and has a great time splashing and swimming about.  Until - you guessed it - it was time to get back inside the boat!  My (skinny) friend got back in first.  Then I tried and there was NO WAY I was getting in.  My friend, freaking out that she was going to be stranded in the middle of some lake, starts yelling at me "get in, get in, you HAVE to pull had!"  Her special skinny self even offered to hold my hand and get me back in the boat... I laughed her for thinking that would help.  I'll have you know that I finally managed to pull myself back onto the boat... but it was the MOST unattractive, blubber shaking thing I've done in A LONG TIME.  AND I RE INJURED MYSELF!  But, the pain's gone now, so feel free to laugh.

This period of my recovery has been marked by Doctors appointments.  At three months I saw Dr. Lane again.  He was very pleased with my weight-loss progress but wanted me to start exercising more.  Walking, the all the movement my body does now, was really hurting my incision.  So, he told me about indoor rowing on a Concept 2 Rower - a no impact full body aerobic and resistance work out machine with a 500 pound weigh

t limit!  I bought one (used on the internet) and this is the most fun I have ever had exercising... it REALLY kicks your ass too!  Here's a picture of my baby:

(Athletic White girl, not included)

I also switched to a bariatric PCP.  He is wonderful.  He ordered all my labs and the results came to me... by e-mail!  Gotta love the Cleveland Clinic.  I have some low levels and so I need to start taking my supplements regularly (duh!).  I finally feel like I am able to take pills regularly without feeling queasy.  He also ordered an ultrasound of my gallbladder.  I have sludge, but no stones.  Not a problem, just gotta keep popp'en that Actigal!

And now, an inspirational ending.  My body is changing.  I feel new bones and muscles that I didn't have when I was a skinny five year old and have never felt in my adult life.  It is scary, terrifying sometimes, and painful.  Not physically, but to not recognize who the person in the mirror is.  It is like slowly giving birth to an alien.  But, I have not felt this good in a long time.  I would NEVER take back what I did.  I am a warrior and this is my battle.  But, more days than not I feel myself - and I love who that person is.  I celebrate him.  I am proud of him.  I anticipate the person he is becoming and I support him in getting there... wherever that is.

Peace, love, and a promise to post more.

Two month update

A little update since it has been two months since my surgery.


Weight loss
I remember reading that it is percentage, not pounds, lost that matters in this experience. On my day of surgery I had 225 excess pounds. I've lost 26% of that weight. In total number terms, I started this journey in February at 520 pounds, had surgery in May, and today weight 396 pounds. I don't remember life in the 300's. My clothes - especially my pants - are unwearably big and the new pants that fit three weeks ago are falling off of me, falling off of me in Whole Foods, falling off of me in front of my landlord, this is getting to be a problem. New bones are poking through. And if one more person notices my 124 pounds of weight loss by asking if I've lost some weight in my face I'm going to scream! What, was my face once the size of a blimp?

Food
I don't get hungry anymore. I have to remind myself to eat. I get full quite fast. When it came to food I loved fat and salt. I like meaty savory things. I wasn't so much into bread or sweets. So for me, my experience has looked more like the "eat what you want when you want" people because what I want to eat is meat and when I want to eat it is a few bites a few times a day. If my "food triggers" were pasta, bread, and sugary, I think things would be more difficult and slow going now.

The Long Way Home

I got to go home yesterday! HOORAY… well, in theory anyway. The trip home started off bad and ended that way. I got a noon time visit from Dr. Lane who authorized my discharge. The nurse took about two hours doing something else before she came in with discharge instructions… for the RNY, a procedure I didn’t have. When I alerted her to this she said “well, some things will apply to you and some things won’t.” She, of course, failed to notify me of which things those might be. Meanwhile my IV had been removed and my pain was rising to a 6… a 7… an 8… First, the nurse told me she was not able to give me injectable pain medication because my IV was removed. I told her to put it back in… after stabbing me several times with the new IV needle she admitted defeat and left to go get help. She returned not with a help, but with an excuse that she couldn’t place the IV because I had been discharged. By this time the pain was so immense that I was crying. The nurse then told me that there was no such thing as an intramuscular pain injection. My mother then stepped in and called Dr. Lane who authorized an intramuscular pain injection, you know, the ones that don’t exist. In addition the nurse applied a pain patch for the long term. Before she applied the patch she asked “where do you put these” and then swabbed my arm with alcohol, a practice that later I read was warned against. A warning that said failure to follow may result in death! Finally, I got out of the hospital. The ride home was a little painful but not horrible. When I got home I went upstairs to my room immediately. There my family, one of whom is a nurse, helped give me crushed up Vicodin. This caused me to vomit what little my stomach contained. The pain and fear were great and my energy fell through the floor. I spent the rest of the night in a dark room hoping I would be knocked out soon. Sleep finally came… amen and amen.

In Hospital Update

Every two hours somebody is in my room doing something to me. Taking a measurement of this or that, injecting something, or filling up or emptying something. I know, it’s their job, but my goodness EVERY TWO HOURS! Let’s see, what else? Oh, I’ve had my upper GI done. They thought they saw a leak, but Dr. Lane confirmed that everything was fine and I am leak free. That gave the go ahead for them to bring be popsicles and jell-o and water and protein drinks. The only trouble is I have NO inclination to eat or drink. I have dried little bites or sips here and there. But it’s not enjoyable. Amy or Dr. Lane come and see me every day. My mom is in by 10:00 AM and sits guard for me while I nap the day away. My only complaint is that the nurses can take a long time giving me my pain medication. The other night I had to pull the call button out of the wall to get a response. That sent them running. Fortunately, with my pain meds. My friend from OH came to spend some time with me! She brought a cheery hello and GIFTS! Thanks M!!!!! Oh, and today I got to get the tube (Foley catheter) taken out of my penis! My nice female nurse was there and she said it was okay to take out now. Then, she called some MAN to come up and take it out. I know, I know, either way there is nothing sexual about getting a tube ripped out of your manhood (unless you’re into that thing… no judgments) but the thought of some guy grabbing my junk and yanking wasn’t appealing. I asked my nurse “can’t I do it myself” she laughed and said “no.” And, of course, I’m doing lots and lots of walking (every two hours)!

The Day of my Surgury... Begining a New Life

The night before my mom and I stayed in a hotel. It was there that I prepared for surgery with a “bowel prep” which is basically like drinking concentrated salty water from the sea. There is a weird determination that comes with sitting on the toilet for hours on end. It was as if I thought to myself, if I can shit for three hours straight, I can do ANYTHING. (SIDENOTE: If you’re going through this bowel cleanse period, bring baby wipes! I won’t go into details, but let me just say that hotel toilet paper is like a low-grade sand paper on the tush!)

I took this determination with me to the hospital the next morning. I got naked and sat in the pre-op area, and I was at peace. I didn’t fear for my life. I didn’t wonder if I was gonna make it. I knew everything would be alright. Dr. Lane came in and he and I had the conversation where I told him “if you wake me up before you have completed the whole DS, I want you to be able to tell me exactly how I was going to die if you would have continued.” They put the most comfortable leg wraps on me which created pillows of air surrounding my calves that inflated and deflated to give me a massage (and ward of blood clots). Then they took me back through a series of hallways, people staring at me, and then into the OR room where I was greeted with many more people than I expected. I felt like asking some of them to leave – “excuse me please, but I’ll need some of you to go. I don’t know if my insurance will pay for this many of you.” They were going to lift me from my gurney to the operating table but I told them I could manage the trip on my own two legs. I sat up… carefully slid to the side of the gurney… got up to my feet whist acrobatically holding my gown closed in the back… when one of the nurses says “on, you don’t have to hold that closed, this is the part where you flash us all” and just like that my ass and other parts said “HELLO!” to the theater of spectators. They took a while adjusting the table making sure I wasn’t hanging off in any place. And then, I was out.

I woke up someplace, I don’t really remember where. I was in and out of consciousness. Then I was wheeled to my room. I don’t remember being in much pain. But then came the nurse. After surgery they wrapped my abdomen in an elastic binder to keep everything tight and together. Well, Ms. Nurse decided to take off the binder causing my fat to flap down and incision to get pulled on. Let’s just say, I was in more than a little pain. Then came the walk. By this time I had been given a wonderful pain shot and was able to get up out of bed and walk out into the hallway. I wasn’t comfortable, but the ever present fear of developing a blood clot made me take step after step after step. I came back to my room escorted by mom, said my goodnights, and was done for the evening.

T Minus 8...

Well, look, I seem to have missed blogging in the month of April... sorry about that. I've been SUPER busy with school. But, finals are now over - HOORAY! - and I'm now in super-surgery mode. Here's a (long) update:

Diet and Exercise:
Dr. Lane asked me to walk 30 minutes a day and have been compliant! I walk in the park next to my house late in the evening. It's the self-conscious fatty in me that likes to walk under cover of dark. And, while this practice has lead to several... interesting situations (read, masturbating perverts)... I am more fit now then I was when I started and am loosing weight. The dieting has helped too. I started with mostly frozen dinners. Let me say, these are not your mother's mushy unidentifiable frozen dinners - Healthy Choice's Cafe Steamers Beef Merlot is amazing! But, days of scrumptious frozen dinners have turned to days of liquid meals. As directed, I started my pre-surgical full-liquid diet a week ago. It's not that bad. The cravings for substance get bad sometimes. But, for the most part, they are not hunger cravings. Six more days to go, then onto the clear liquid diet, then surgery. I'll move on now by saying I REALLY REALLY WANT A STEAK!!!

Supplements:
I ordered and received my supplements from vitalady. It was like Christmas opening the box! Here's what I'm taking every day:

Upon waking
1 – Iron (Ferrochel) Complex (27mg Iron)
1 – Vitamin C (1000mg)
1 – Multi-strain pro-biotic

Plus 2 Hours
1 – Multivitamin
1 – Vitamin A (Acetate) Sublingual (10,000IU)
½ - Dry Vitamin D3 (Cholecalciferol) (25,000IU)
1 – Dry Vitamin E (400IU)
1 – Dry Vitamin K (Phylloquinone) (100mcg)
2 – Bone Calcium (2 pills totals 500mg Ca, 250mg Mg, 100IU Vitamin D)
1 – B12 (Methylcobalamin) Sublingual (1,000mcg)
1 – Coromega Omega-3 Fish Oil Supplement

Plus 2 Hours
1 – Calcium (Citrate) Complex (500mg Ca, 250mg Mg, 200IU Vitamin D)

Plus 2 Hours
1 – B Complex
Thiamine (B1) (200mg)
Riboflavin (B2) (28.6mg)
Niacin (B3) (80mg)
Pantothenic Acid (B5) (45 mg)
Pyridoxine (B6) (23.4mg)
Biotin (B7) (80mcg)
B12 (100mcg)
Folate (200mcg)
Choline Citrate 40 mg
1 – Zinc (Picolinate) (50mg)


Plus 2 Hours
1 – Calcium (Citrate) Complex (500mg Ca, 250mg Mg, 200IU Vitamin D)

Plus 2 Hours
1 – Multivitamin (see, page two for contents)
1 – Vitamin A (Acetate) Sublingual (10,000IU)
½ - Dry Vitamin D3 (Cholecalciferol) (25,000IU)
1 – Dry Vitamin E (400IU)
1 – Dry Vitamin K (Phylloquinone) (100mcg)
2 – Bone Calcium (2 pills totals 500mg Ca, 250mg Mg, 100IU Vitamin D)
1 – Siliphos (Milk Thistle) (180mg)
1 – Selenium (L-Selenomethionine) (200mcg)

Anyway, I've stopped taking the Vitamin E pre-surgery, as directed by Dr. Lane. And, I feel like by body is doing better with the liquid diet thing because of nutrients I'm getting from the supplements.

I've been dealing with some pre-surgery anxiety, but this post is getting long so I'll post more about that later...