Ineligible

Well, I spent today walking with no brace on my ankle for the first time since my "injury."  My pain is nonexistent and my doctor cleared me to return to exercise!  Who knew I'd ever be happy I get to exercise.  My ER doc said the pain in my ankle was caused by a sprain or tendinitis.  The orthopedic surgeon said it was arthritis.  The foot and ankle specialist said it was gout, secondary to a high protein diet.  Whatever, at least I'm not in pain anymore.

Last Wednesday, I went to the Clinic and weighed myself.  Turns out that I have lost so much weight with my Duodenal Switch that my BMI no longer qualifies me for weight loss surgery!  Plus, any of the commodities that may have qualified me for the surgery, like sleep apnea or diabetes, are no longer part of my life - cured, gone, finito.

I had a blast last weekend at the Cleveland Walk from Obesity.  The whole NEO DS team came out in force!  Plus, my mom was there and that meant alot to me.  She has been so supportive and loving as I go through this process.  And with sciatica and all, she walked the whole route with me.  BY THE WAY, the men and women at the Walk from Obesity need not to make a fat man walk 2 miles and call it 1.  They said that the route we walked was ONE, SINGLE, UNO, mile... well, Live Maps says it was 2 miles!  NOT FUNNY!  But the walk, with friends and family, and the trip to Cheesecake Factory afterwards was fun and Lord knows I need the extended stroll.

I hurted myself!

For no reason whatsoever I awoke early Saturday morning with a pain in my right ankle.  I don't remember hitting or twisting or doing much of anything detrimental to it.  The only thing I can think of is that the repeated "back-and-forth" action of the rower got to me.

So, wanting to rule out a clot, I went to the ER.  They gave me an air cast and crutches.  Then, I retreated to my mom's house in the country and stayed the rest of the weekend and into this week there, on my back, comfortably perched on her living room couch.

The doctors tell me I have a low grade sprain, or tendinitis, or arthritis.  Basically, they have no idea what's wrong with it, or when it will get better, or when it may return.  Thus, I wait.  Wait for the pain to go down and function to return.  Then, it's back to the rower and back on-track to my weight loss.

The Life I was Saved From

I stood looking for a merlot to season my potroast with.  Green beans, mushrooms, onions, and organic carrots filled my cart.

A man passed me on one of the store's motorized carts.  He was larger than I was at my largest.  His legs were swollen.  His limbs were scared from what I think was gout.  I wanted to run up to him and tell him about this amazing surgery I had.  But, I knew that the discovery and acceptance that one needs help only comes from within - at least, that's where my drive came/comes from.

I am by no means at my weight loss or fitness goals.  But, I am heading quickly in that direction.  I am so grateful to have been saved from that life.  Last summer my cousin told me to "get up and walk" while I still had the ability to.  Thank God I was saved, that I chose to save myself before those words were all together too true.

The Importance of People who Give a Damn

She came to see me all the way from Utah.  Perhaps she didn't know the words to say how proud she was of me, but I already knew.  This process is hard.  It's scary.  Having weight loss surgery marks the end of one chapter of your life and, as you transform, the page to the next chapter slowly turns.  Your body and mind change and as they change the world around you seems to morph as well.  I am not yet sure if people treat me differently or if it is me who sees them differently.  With all this change it is important to surround yourself with people who give a damn.

A tap-tap-tap-tap, then a knock-knock-knock, finished with a SLAM-SLAM on my bedroom door!  I was comfortated as she woke me in the morning.  She always does when she comes to see me and she's the only person (other than my mother) who gets away with it.  Her eyes see past to the me underneath, past the bits that cause shame and the painful parts.  Again, just as she always has.  I believe - and hope that I am right - that when a person goes through such a large transformation, like weight loss surgery, it is only their exterior that changes.  That, at the base of it all, the person underneath is unchanged.  She sees that person and there is solace in that.  She gives a damn.

I thank God for friends like her.  Friends that keep me gounded.  Friends that will call me on my shit.  Friends that will cry and celebrate with me.  Find friends like these and hold tight to them with all you have!

Time for an Update: Three months

The pain is gone (again)! Since surgery I've been having pain in the upper portion of my open incision. It was a burning pain and lingered so long it really started to piss me off. The pain would go away, then come back in two weeks and I'd have to start up pain meds again... funny fat man story in 3...2...1

My pain had mostly gone away.  So, it being summer, I decided to take a trip to my family's summer lake cottage.  I brought a friend and we went boating to the sand bar (a portion of the lake that is only 4-5 feet deep.  So, my friend jumps in and encourages me to do the same.  Now, if you're anything like me, you have no problem getting OUT of the boat, it's getting back IN that's near impossible.  But I had a duodenal switch.  I've lost a BUNCH of weight.  I'm like the obese superman, I can do anything!  So, my rolly-polly ass jumps in the lake and has a great time splashing and swimming about.  Until - you guessed it - it was time to get back inside the boat!  My (skinny) friend got back in first.  Then I tried and there was NO WAY I was getting in.  My friend, freaking out that she was going to be stranded in the middle of some lake, starts yelling at me "get in, get in, you HAVE to pull had!"  Her special skinny self even offered to hold my hand and get me back in the boat... I laughed her for thinking that would help.  I'll have you know that I finally managed to pull myself back onto the boat... but it was the MOST unattractive, blubber shaking thing I've done in A LONG TIME.  AND I RE INJURED MYSELF!  But, the pain's gone now, so feel free to laugh.

This period of my recovery has been marked by Doctors appointments.  At three months I saw Dr. Lane again.  He was very pleased with my weight-loss progress but wanted me to start exercising more.  Walking, the all the movement my body does now, was really hurting my incision.  So, he told me about indoor rowing on a Concept 2 Rower - a no impact full body aerobic and resistance work out machine with a 500 pound weigh

t limit!  I bought one (used on the internet) and this is the most fun I have ever had exercising... it REALLY kicks your ass too!  Here's a picture of my baby:

(Athletic White girl, not included)

I also switched to a bariatric PCP.  He is wonderful.  He ordered all my labs and the results came to me... by e-mail!  Gotta love the Cleveland Clinic.  I have some low levels and so I need to start taking my supplements regularly (duh!).  I finally feel like I am able to take pills regularly without feeling queasy.  He also ordered an ultrasound of my gallbladder.  I have sludge, but no stones.  Not a problem, just gotta keep popp'en that Actigal!

And now, an inspirational ending.  My body is changing.  I feel new bones and muscles that I didn't have when I was a skinny five year old and have never felt in my adult life.  It is scary, terrifying sometimes, and painful.  Not physically, but to not recognize who the person in the mirror is.  It is like slowly giving birth to an alien.  But, I have not felt this good in a long time.  I would NEVER take back what I did.  I am a warrior and this is my battle.  But, more days than not I feel myself - and I love who that person is.  I celebrate him.  I am proud of him.  I anticipate the person he is becoming and I support him in getting there... wherever that is.

Peace, love, and a promise to post more.