The night before my mom and I stayed in a hotel. It was there that I prepared for surgery with a “bowel prep” which is basically like drinking concentrated salty water from the sea. There is a weird determination that comes with sitting on the toilet for hours on end. It was as if I thought to myself, if I can shit for three hours straight, I can do ANYTHING. (SIDENOTE: If you’re going through this bowel cleanse period, bring baby wipes! I won’t go into details, but let me just say that hotel toilet paper is like a low-grade sand paper on the tush!)
I took this determination with me to the hospital the next morning. I got naked and sat in the pre-op area, and I was at peace. I didn’t fear for my life. I didn’t wonder if I was gonna make it. I knew everything would be alright. Dr. Lane came in and he and I had the conversation where I told him “if you wake me up before you have completed the whole DS, I want you to be able to tell me exactly how I was going to die if you would have continued.” They put the most comfortable leg wraps on me which created pillows of air surrounding my calves that inflated and deflated to give me a massage (and ward of blood clots). Then they took me back through a series of hallways, people staring at me, and then into the OR room where I was greeted with many more people than I expected. I felt like asking some of them to leave – “excuse me please, but I’ll need some of you to go. I don’t know if my insurance will pay for this many of you.” They were going to lift me from my gurney to the operating table but I told them I could manage the trip on my own two legs. I sat up… carefully slid to the side of the gurney… got up to my feet whist acrobatically holding my gown closed in the back… when one of the nurses says “on, you don’t have to hold that closed, this is the part where you flash us all” and just like that my ass and other parts said “HELLO!” to the theater of spectators. They took a while adjusting the table making sure I wasn’t hanging off in any place. And then, I was out.
I woke up someplace, I don’t really remember where. I was in and out of consciousness. Then I was wheeled to my room. I don’t remember being in much pain. But then came the nurse. After surgery they wrapped my abdomen in an elastic binder to keep everything tight and together. Well, Ms. Nurse decided to take off the binder causing my fat to flap down and incision to get pulled on. Let’s just say, I was in more than a little pain. Then came the walk. By this time I had been given a wonderful pain shot and was able to get up out of bed and walk out into the hallway. I wasn’t comfortable, but the ever present fear of developing a blood clot made me take step after step after step. I came back to my room escorted by mom, said my goodnights, and was done for the evening.
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